The world is going to hell in a handbasket. That’s what you’d think if you consider all the bad news coming at you from all quarters — inflation, the rising price of food and fuel, the commies taking their ball and going home (you wish), the possibility of a disappointing monsoons, sundry acts of terrorism, and so on. Comic relief is what one sorely needs to lighten the doom and gloom.
So here’s some news of the weird that fits the bill. It comes from the University of Central Florida. (You have to take what you get — even if that is half-way around the world in some godforsaken state.)
‘Body Of Christ’ Snatched From Church, Held Hostage By UCF Student, reads the headlines.
Many people don’t know it but some Christians, especially the Catholics, have a cannibalistic ritual. They eat the flesh of Christ and drink his blood. You can’t make this sort of sh**t up. It’s called transubstantiation. They believe that the bread and wine literally turn into flesh and blood. Pretending that that is true is bad enough but then they proceed to eat it. Doing anything else other than consuming it and passing it though the human digestive system is considered the gravest of sins. Go figure.
So here’s the short summary of the events. A UCF student takes the cracker (the body of Christ) and instead of eating it, saves it to show to a friend. Church officials try to take it back from him. He goes home and preserves it in a ziplock bag. The faithful start a campaign against the student and threaten him with violence. PZ Myers at Pharyngula posts a commentary saying it’s a frackin’ goddamn cracker.
I find this all utterly unbelievable. It’s like Dark Age superstition and malice, all thriving with the endorsement of secular institutions here in 21st century America. It is a culture of deluded lunatics calling the shots and making human beings dance to their mythical bunkum.
So, what to do. I have an idea. Can anyone out there score me some consecrated communion wafers? There’s no way I can personally get them — my local churches have stakes prepared for me, I’m sure — but if any of you would be willing to do what it takes to get me some, or even one, and mail it to me, I’ll show you sacrilege, gladly, and with much fanfare. I won’t be tempted to hold it hostage (no, not even if I have a choice between returning the Eucharist and watching Bill Donohue kick the pope in the balls, which would apparently be a more humane act than desecrating a goddamned cracker), but will instead treat it with profound disrespect and heinous cracker abuse, all photographed and presented here on the web. I shall do so joyfully and with laughter in my heart. If you can smuggle some out from under the armed guards and grim nuns hovering over your local communion ceremony, just write to me and I’ll send you my home address.
And now PZ is getting death threats from Catholics and some are merely writing to his school’s president asking that PZ be fired (PZ is s a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota.)
As a comment on Pharyngula puts it
1. Poor kid takes home uneaten eucharist to show his friend.
2. Church and catholics go batshit crazy.
3. PZ thinks this is ridiculous and says so, also says he may do some things to a cracker.
4. Church and catholics go batshit crazy.
Monotheists are stupidly insane. They riot over teddy bears named Mohammed and over someone not eating a cracker in church. But in between all their murdering and plundering, they do provide some comic relief from time to time.
Update: ‘Body Of Christ” Returned To Church After Student Receives Email Threats. Nice bit of intimidation there. Right out of the book they call the Holy Bible.