In the face of all that is grim and distressing, there’s always the relief of reading the TOI — affectionately referred to by its admirers as TOI-let paper or the Slimes of India. This hot Summer Sunday morning was brightened by an article, “The Benefits of Surya Namaskar.”
It starts off with a bang:
The simple Surya Namaskar that has been practiced in India for years has recently found a whole lot of takers.
Practiced for years? You don’t say! Wow!! And “a whole lot of takers?” As in a couple of hundred?
The idiots don’t understand the distinction between centuries and years. They may as well have written, “. . . has been practiced for hours and weeks . . .” Silly morons.
Then the article goes on to make claims it is a cure-all: it keeps you physically fit, mentally fit, emotionally fit; it stimulates the cardiovascular system, the digestive system, and the nervous system; it helps the “endocrinal glands like the thyroid, parathyroid and pituitary glands, function normally”; gives peace of mind and improves concentration.
OK, but I want to ask, does it also help you defy gravity?
The article certainly defied common sense. It ends with “If you have trouble sleeping at night, the Surya Namaskar will help you fall asleep without using any external stimulants.”
Oh now I get it. Like all normal people, I have been taking stimulants to help me go to sleep. I cannot do without a couple of double cappuccino espressos and a few cans of Jolt to quickly put me to sleep.
Thanks to Surya Namaskar, I can avoid the stimulants — because Surya Namaskar is the perfect substitute for stimulants and will gently ease me into sleep.
OK, enough of the silliness. The fact is that the paper is a rag. One commenter on that article notes the saving grace of that article: “At last one article in life and style that doesn’t stink of porn.”
No pr0n in the TOI? Someone at the editorial desk must have been sleeping on the job.