I am an internet Hindu. The wannabe part refers to the card-carrying bit. What we Internet Hindus(tm) chiefly need are genuine laminated identity cards. Commies and pseudo-secularists no doubt have their official authorized genuine cards. So I too want one. I am sure that among the hordes of Internet Hindus(tm), there must be some who are good at creative graphic design. You may ask, “How do you know there are hordes of Internet Hindus(tm)?” Here’s how.
In an article, Don’t Block the ‘Internet Hindus’, Mr Kanchan Gupta reports statistics from an online survey, open to Hindus on the internet:
Of those who have responded, 88.9 per cent have identified themselves as ‘Internet Hindus’, indicating they attach no shame to the term though their critics would want them to feel ashamed. Of the respondents, four per cent are aged 20 years and below; 55 per cent are aged 30 and below; 31 per cent are 40 and below; and, only 10 per cent are aged above 40. In brief, 90 per cent of them are young Indians.
Nitpicker that I am, I note that the numbers above don’t quite add up. If 55 percent are aged 30 and below, there have to be more than 55 percent who are 40 and below — not the 31 percent reported by Mr Gupta. By my arithmetic, if it is true that 10 percent > 40 years of age, then those who are 40 years and below have to be 90 percent, not 31 percent. Anyway, all this is pretty trivial since the main point is that them Internet Hindus(tm) are a pretty cool lot.
So how cool am I as an Internet Hindu(tm)? First, I am in the top 10 percent age wise. Then I am in the top 11 percent education wise: those who have a PhD. I am not that special earning wise as I belong to a fairly large group — 26.5 percent — who earn more than Rs 24 lakhs a year. And when it comes to foreign travel, I am in the majority 60 percent who have traveled abroad at least once. I hate being in large groups.
I am happy to note that I differ most significantly with a very large segment. Mr Gupta writes:
Contrary to the impression that is being sought to be created by their critics, ‘Internet Hindus’ are open to ideas, believe in a plural, law-abiding society and swear by the Constitution. They are often appalled by the shenanigans of our politicians, including those of the BJP, and are ruthless in decrying politics of identity and cynical vote-bank policies. They have no gender prejudices and most of them think banning FTV is downright silly in this day and age. The ‘Internet Hindus’ will not countenance denigration of their faith or biased media coverage of events, but 91.9 per cent of them respect and accept other religions. Asked if India is meant only for Hindus, an overwhelming majority of them, responding to the survey, said, ‘Hell, no!’
I am not among the 91.9 percent that “respect and accept other religions.” Respecting and accepting other religions is idiotic and silly. I am an anti-theist. I don’t have any truck with gods or God. I respect only those religions that admit the possibility of there being no god or gods — which includes Hinduism, Jainism and Buddhism. All other religions are by the retarded, of the retarded and for the retarded. I have an antipathy towards the monotheistic religions — with particular disdain for Islam. I think the desert religions are hateful ideologies that would have died out but for the fact that the majority of humans continue to be ignorant, myopic and stupid.
Anyway, so the bottom line is that I am an Internet Hindu(tm) and proud of it. And as Mr Gupta notes (“English language media journalists, long used to fawning praise from readers and viewers, are horrified that someone can actually call them ‘dumb’ in public space and there’s nothing they can do about it”), I take particular delight in calling the pseudo-secularists dumb and retarded. And stupid to boot.
Now all I need is an official laminated genuine card so that I can be a card-carrying Internet Hindu(tm).